If we're being honest, you're my friend
But we're not, so you've got
To never bother me again

If I said you're patronizing
Never noticing I'm crying
In retrospect, it's not surprising
That this was you

If you're such an awesome person, you
Need to be yourself, not somebody else
That I never thought I knew

You might think you're compromising
Both of us self-sacrificing
In retrospect, it's not surprising
That this was you

Spent so many hours staring at the stuff in your room
Under the moon
Spent so long in that room being lied to
And expected to

And now the phrases bounce back over and over
Weight like a wooden sword upon my shoulder
Like a kitty scratch, like a vampire's bite
The first time I saw a 20-sided die
And one of us is friendless and lonely and phony
Friendship chalky and crumbly like the word "chalcedony"
"Unprofessional" say the rich to the poor
Now, where here on Earth have I heard that before?
Correcting my language like you really care
About howe I sound and about howe I fare/fair
New pronunciations break the ground most every day
I know it's not right
But I thought that I might
Get my way

Chorus or something:
Now you’re a celebrity
Like you always wanted to be
Now there is a song about you

Now you’re such a pretty girl
Like you always thought you were
Now there is no reason to be sad

A gem among the other rock
A skill for tense defusing talk
Behind the back of your neck

Now you’re such a pretty girl
Like you never cared if you were
Now you’ve dyed your blonde hair blonde
Blonde hair blonde

It’s not my fault
If I don’t see
You only wanna do something because of me
So don’t blame me
If I don’t do
The same for you

You always hated my little brother
And I got along better with your mother
Than I did with you
I wanna do
What you wanna do

Wrote a lengthy letter to apologize for everything
While you relaxed in your deputy den regretting nothing
What was in the letter? Well, I’m such a big regretter
Prob’ly anything that happened on a typical day
But I’m also a forgetter, so I really don’t remember
What was in the letter, but it really doesn’t matter
If I can recall all or some or none of it
‘Cause I retract my sorrying for every part of it
Maybe that’s the reason why I never sent it

The life and death
Of every party
Selfless, practical, and arty
When I wanted you to be
‘Cause apparently you lied to me
For me

Did favors for me that you never told me about
I was expected to return them with a handshake and a shout


Every time you either lost to me or always won
We cannot agree on which of us is overrun
Chaos can be beauty but you’re no Keith Emerson
You’re the type of beauty that in movies prob’ly has a gun
You are not the one
You think you are the heroine, you’re acting like the drug
‘Cause hanging out with you feels great but then it really sucks
I guess i’m just lucky you never drew blood
I’m not your psychic sidekick